24 6.10: Day 6 - 3:00PM - 4:00PM

"You turned your back on me to be a, what? A civil servant?"

But you're wrong, Phillip Bauer. Jack Bauer's not a civil servant, he's America's superhero!

Or at least that's what the 24 fanboys who get hard-ons for Chloe would have you believe. I am one of, like, five people in America who completely disagree.

Jack saves Milo and Marilyn (which, was there any chance that he wouldn't? Maybe if this was Season One), and then Marilyn tearfully confesses that Phillip is holding Josh hostage. Now, let me say this about Rena Sofer as Marilyn Bauer... she is strikingly beautiful (her blue eyes are nearly blinding), and she bears a slight resemblence to Amanda Peet. But, I can't help but compare Marilyn to the bevy of beauties that Jack has had over the years: I'd rank her at the bottom, and this is why. Obviously, my favorite of Jack's leading ladies has been his wife, Teri, because she's his frickin' wife, as well as just being a completely realistic character alongside him, a normal woman caught up in extraordinary circumstances. Plus, I bought the love between them, and her death has been one of the most affecting the show has produced. Ever. Then, in second place is Audrey Raines, because she was awesome and was pretty kick-ass considering she was held hostage, tortured by Jack for being suspected as a mole, been involved in various political intricacies, and had the worst day during Season Four (more on that later). In third place, Kate Warner because, despite only having three facial expressions, had her own insane storyline that affected the others - plus, the drama with Marie was pretty priceless. Fourth and last is a tie between Marilyn, who I think is beautiful, but basically a damsel-in-distress, and Claudia, Jack's Mexican paramour who was a stereotypically fiery Latin spitfire ala Carmen who came and died and was pretty incosequential. Plus, it doesn't help that Rena Sofer hasn't grown as an actress since her days as Lois Ashton on General Hospital. There's a scene where she cries and cries and... no tears... and she keeps crying.

In other story land, Milo is injured and is returned to CTU as a hero, which makes Morris feel like shit... which leads to a potential alcoholic relapse. Which Morris bravely gets rid of, vomiting up the fifth of whiskey that he's just downed outside a liquor store (while leaving his RedBull and Altoids, behind... Hello, Product Placement!). I guess it means that Morris was a bulimic in high school, because he has that curved-finger-in-the-throat thing down! And it makes sense that Morris would have been someone like that in high school, since he is a sensitive British type. "Morris, you're worthless because you're a coward who helped arm some nukes!" "Shut up! This is because I'm fat, isn't it, you sodding wanker?!" BARF. I am also tickled by thoughts that Milo is cringing and moving so slowly at CTU because of the bullet in his arm, while Morris, who had a fucking drill in his shoulder a few hours ago, is operating fine. I will just add that at this juncture, Morris has won me over as my favorite character of the season.

The presidential assassination story, with Lennox and Reed plotting eeeeevil, also tickles me. I think the story itself is fine, but the way the two are presented conspiring with each other is hilarious, particularly in this episode. Honestly, Atlantic Starr's song "Secret Lovers" plays in my head every time they run off to the closet together, whispering in breathy, husky voices. When Lennox decides that it's wrong to try to kill President Palmer (the dumb one), Reed punches him out, hurt and teary, then binds and gags him... very lovingly, as we see in the final box.

Jack's story... blah blah blah. This is a storyline where Kim would have totally benefitted, since Jack flat out tells Phillip that the Bauer family only consists of the two of them, Marilyn, and Josh. I love that Jack (and the writers) have totally forgotten Kim, a regular of the first three seasons that the writers have decided to excise from the universe (despite a few vague mentions of Teri and the elder President Palmer). This season has totally made me miss the characters that the show has written off because I think they would fit better: Tony and Michelle taking the place of Buchanan and Karen would have given more weight to those stories, Kim involved with the current Bauer family plot since she is part of the family and also a "civil servant"... if this show pulled the characters-back-from-the-dead thing, I would have loved to see Sherry be the mastermind behind Wayne's assassination attempt, or maybe trying to stop it. Well... I guess she would have been more useful last season, hunting down David's killers. Alas.

At this point, I submit: Who has had the worst day this season thus far? In my opinion, the following characters have had that honor in seasons past -
Day One - The Bauer family (Jack, Teri, Kim), who went through, respectively, kidnapping, coersion into assassinating a senator, various bombings, shootings, jail, drugs, amnesia, meeting your wife's mistress, and death.
Day Two - President David Palmer, who handled a country through a nuke hunt and its aftermath, dealt with an internal coup, let his ex-wife back into his life only to be betrayed by her again, was temporarily impeached and held captive in the LA Federal Building, and then poisoned through a Fruit Roll-Up of Death applied to his palm.
Day Three - Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler, both of whom dealt with his being shot IN THE NECK, her being trapped in a hotel saturated with a lethal virus, her kidnapping and his committing treason to save her, and the ensuing divorce.
Day Four - Audrey Raines, who was kidnapped, rescued, thought her ex-husband was evil, then fell back in love with him, then saw him die, then thought her father was a terrorist, then found out her brother kinda was, then discovered he was gay, then thought that Jack had died.
Day Five - President David Palmer, Michelle Dessler, and Tony Almeida because they all DIED HORRIBLE DEATHS. But not Edgar. Fuck him, and I'm glad he died! You hear me, 24-verse? I'M GLAD HE DIED!!! Oh, wow. Where are my senses?
Day Six -

Who is it?

Is it President Logan? Well, he's not in this season. Or is he?

Yes, he is! All lumberjacky-looking. Which leads me to wonder, where is Martha? Screwing Aaron Pierce in some exotic locale? And how can Logan help Jack with all this? Oh, 24. You and the questions you ask. Or cause. 'Cuz I ask the questions, you don't. You just answer them. Sometimes.

The best thing about this episode? No Sandra. Fucking. Palmer. Thank God!

All in all: C+

Until next time, same bat time, same bat channel.

- Cesar